I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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