just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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