he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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