if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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