My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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