Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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