i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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