I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
