thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize