it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
do herpes really smell.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
