Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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