If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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