Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
