i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
