Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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