I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
