my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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