babies were throwing up all over the place
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
