is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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