I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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