I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
