she woke up with a sticky ear
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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