i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
