alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
