I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I believe in your delicious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
