I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
