Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
