I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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