i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
