Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
