Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
