don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
