btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
