Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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