hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize