I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
