If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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