just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
