you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
