Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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