but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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