Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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