Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
