Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
