we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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