She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
