I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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