I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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