She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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