...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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