maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
