Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
