My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
