Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
