What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
