I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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