Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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