I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
