Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
