i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
