First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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