apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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