Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
