Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
