More tranny stories later!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
